Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC As a therapist, I understand that my clients eventually want to get to a place where they don't see me again or at least see me less frequently. It is totally understandable. Eventually, clients want to apply that work on their own without regularly going to therapy While the length of time that you spend in therapy depends on so many different factors (original concerns, life circumstances, trauma, etc) there are some things that can help y

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC (Licensed Couples Therapist) The worst has happened. The person that you thought you could trust more than anyone has hurt you deeply. This may have caused you to doubt whether or not you can trust them about anything. You might question your judgement, the nature of your relationship and you wonder if they ever really loved you if they could do something like this. Understandably, you may not feel emotionally close to them at a time like th

Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC Some people pursue therapy intensives hoping that will be the only intensive that they will have to do. And that might be the case for them. However, if you have tried one therapy intensive and you think it might be time for another, you might be right. If you're unsure of what a therapy intensive is, it is a 3-6 hour day or sometimes multiple days that are focused on you and your therapy related concerns. This day can be focused on one presented conce

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC Perfectionism is rampant in our culture. It is often the solution offered to women when the world doesn't make sense. Single? Be the perfect example of a easy going, stunning woman. Not excelling fast enough at work? Refrain from making any mistakes at work. Lonely? Do whatever it takes to make others happy all the time. Poor self-esteem? Diet until you don't know how to listen to your body's cues anymore. It is a "solution" that is cruel an

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC Perfectionism is ever-present in our society. It is expected in how we approach work, how we carry our bodies, what we're expected to strive for and is used in how we are marketed to. Yet, men often aren't who we think of when we think of perfectionism, often we picture women. This may have something to do with what society expects from women vs what they expect from men. This is unfair on both accounts. But men DO struggle with perfectionis

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC It is painful to come to the conclusion that it is time to go your separate ways. What can be even harder is figuring out the right way to do it. How do you split up in a way that prevents you from becoming enemies, yet prevents becoming so friendly that you board the on-again-off-again relationship roller coaster? It is tricky territory to navigate. Of course you want to be kind. You two had a connection. You want to honor what you had, the

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC Most of us have received the relationship advice that it is very important to be on the same page as your partner. It's not bad advice, it is really helpful to be on the same page as your partner. But now you find yourself in a situation that feels like it contradicts that advice. Lately, it feels like you agree on most things, but you still don't feel close. There is a distance that is difficult to describe. It may sometimes feel like you'r

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC If you have been following my blog posts about attachment styles, then you know that understanding your attachment styles and how they show up in relationship can help you have a safe and secure relationship. So far, in our exploration of the attachment styles, we have covered the insecure attachment styles: anxious attachment , avoidant attachment and disorganized attachment . Now, we will explore what is the considered the healthiest atta

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC In continuing my overview of attachment patterns, this post will be about disorganized attachment patterns. For those that may not be familiar, attachment patterns are are how you give, receive, and respond to love in a relationship. The patterns are characterized by how (or if) you advocate for your needs and respond to the needs of your partner. You can find my post on anxious attachment patterns here and my post on avoidant attachment

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC Congratulations on your engagement! I hope your wedding planning is treating you well. And congrats on the decision to engage in premarital therapy ! Couples that do premarital therapy have a greater chance of staying together and experiencing greater marital satisfaction. It is like preventative care for your relationship, so that you can prepare for the future while also caring for your relationship now. With benefits like that, premarital

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC As attachment theory has grown in popularity and is more commonly discussed among those outside of the therapy field, I wanted to write some blog posts about the different types of attachment. You can find my post on anxious attachment here . I wanted to share this information about attachment styles and attachment work because of the powerful impact that it can have on relationships. Given the impact, I want to make sure you have the right

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC We hear a lot about attachment styles in the therapy world nowadays. While attachment has been studied in the field of psychology for quite sometime, talk of attachment styles has only grown in everyday conversation in the last several years. It's popularity has been fueled by the fact that understanding attachment styles has helped people demystify their relationships. Understanding attachment patterns has decoded partner motives, thoughts,

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC You have been sitting with this gnawing feeling for quite some time now. You might be engaged or have been considering marriage and the possibility feels like it is looming. It feels like the walls are closing in on you and you just don't know if you can make the right choice. How can you know for sure if they are really the right person? How can you know if marriage is really right for you? Let's go back to the beginning. It started out wel

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC With the start of a new year comes hopes of changed behaviors and a better life. Perhaps you have fallen off of your New Year's Resolution plan already. If so, you are in good company. Most people desert their new year's resolution by mid January. There is nothing inherently wrong with having a New Year's Resolution or ending your pursuit of a new goal. Or even with recommitting to your goal after falling off. However, there are some things

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC You care a lot about what your partner wants and you will do almost anything to make them happy. So, when they bring up something that they want a certain way or something that isn't working, you do your very best to make things right. You're usually pretty good at doing things the right way in every other part of your life, so it's a bit a of shock when they continue to criticize you after you've done your best. You try to talk to tell them

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC This is one of the top questions that I have heard from couples over the years. Sometimes it isn't even a question, its a declaration. "I think we're just too different to make this work." I hear this the most when things have been really hard for quite awhile. It seems to be the answer that makes the most sense for them. The thing is though, it doesn't have to be that black and white. There is a lot more nuance to this situations than just,

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC Ooof! The question alone feels like a gut punch! You've tried to push the thought away, tried to explain it away, but still settles in you like a pit in your stomach. It is deeply painful to consider, but you know you have to face it. You can't ignore it and you're not entirely sure what the thought means. Are you being anxious? Are you blowing things out of porportion? Are they on their way out of the relationship? What are you missing? It

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC You're well aware that you and your partner are supposed to make decisions together. However, that knowledge doesn't make it any easier to do. There is something that makes it so easy to discount their input, almost automatically, that you don't even notice it all the time. Your partner notices though and they definitely let you know how they feel about it. They don't feel considered or like you two are equals because they don't get to have

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC I hear this line of questioning more and more. It is a question begging to know, is this my fault and...

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC You find yourself in the same loop. A partner, friend or family member mentions the same thing that...