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A Love Letter To Those Experiencing Loss

Written By Ashley Gray, LCSW, MFTC




Dear, Reader,


You gave it your all. You showed up and loved so fiercely, it exhausted you at times. Now that it is over, in some ways, you can rest. In other ways, the battle has just begun. Living in their absence is no easy feat. While they weren't perfect, there was no one else like them and it is devastating to go on with this uniquely shaped void in your life.


Love is an experience so profound that when it's gone it requires us to revere and grieve what was lost. It wouldn't make sense if we just went on living just as we had before this loss. The grief, in some ways, is borne of honor. Honoring the relationship, honoring who we were when they were in our life and the lessons that will live on now that they are gone.


Perhaps, the love is not lost when it lives in your heart and your memories. Perhaps, it's fingerprints are on your new perspectives and how you move through the world now. You will form a relationship with your grief that will ebb and flow. At times it may feel like a dull pain that you have learned to live with and at other times, it may pop up out of nowhere and ravage your sense of peace. You are capable of surviving it all, even when it doesn't feel that way.


This is unfair, enraging, depressing, excruciating and just plain sad. It is okay to let all of those emotions exist. Slow down enough to let these emotions come visit you like guests in your home with specific stories and gifts to share with you. These stories and gifts will show you your values, your needs, your personality, and it will illuminate your pain in the most bittersweet of ways.


On your journey, I wish you so much comfort. Comfort of those who will sit with you while you feel your emotions. Maybe even wipe away your tears for you. Comfort in allowing yourself to exist just as you are right now. Less striving, more being. Healing takes time and intuition. To hear this intuition, you must become still at times. Quiet your mind, quiet the busyness of your life sit with some acceptance of where you find yourself. Trust that you will know when it is time for a different pace of life. Or at least trust, that you can reach out for the support that you need to help you make wise choices for your next stage of life.


No matter how it ended. Losing someone who was a constant in your life is devastating. Give yourself the grace to feel all the feelings even when if feels messy, to take space when necessary and to ask for help when you need it (community is so important at times like this).


So, hold yourself tightly, practice patience, be gentle with yourself and allow others to help you. This is painful, it is awful and you will survive. You will survive by leaning into what is good in you and into others. I don't say this to make light of this searing loss, but to remind you that other emotions will be possible again. Someday you will thrive again and right now, it's okay if you're merely surviving.



I'm wishing you the best on your healing journey! :)


*This post was written to address loss as a whole rather than a specific type of loss. The resources below cover break-ups, death and mental health emergencies.



Resources For Your Time of Loss


For Grief Support Groups, Education, Training and other resources in Denver check out the Heart light Center: https://heartlightcenter.org/



In the event of a mental health emergency, please reach out to Colorado Crisis Services at 1-844-493-8255 or text TALK to 38255    https://coloradocrisisservices.org


You can call or text the National Suicide Hotline at 988


For a medical emergency you can call 911 or visit your nearest emergency room.



If you would like to work with me as you process through this loss, reach out using the contact buttons at the top of this page.


P.S. If you want to sign up for my newsletter, so that you don't miss a blog post and you get the latest information about free resources, services and news follow this link. There will be a pop-up on the page that will prompt you to sign up. If you get the pop-up after you sign up, you can use the yellow "x" in the corner of the page on your desktop or bottom of the page (you may have to scroll) on your phone to exit.







This post is written by individual and couples therapist, Ashley Gray of Arvada, Colorado. Ashley works with her clients using Gottman Method Couples Therapy, EMDR Trauma Therapy, Prepare and Enrich, attachment focused therapy and techniques from Emotionally Focused Therapy, Couples Intensives and EMDR Intensives. As a therapist, she is passionate about helping people build healthy relationships and supporting people with the resources they need. In her free time, Ashley hikes, paddle boards, reads, spends time with her husband and her cuddly dog. For more information about Ashley and her practice, click here.

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