COUPLES THERAPY
Thriving Together
Stay Or Go Therapy
It is painful to admit, but you're at an impasse. You have been trying to figure out how to resolve past hurts, to find closeness amidst the busyness, unlearn bad habits and meet each other's needs. Or maybe even how to recover after betrayal. It has been exhausting and, at times, excruciating. ​
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You've tried talking about it, searching for answers on the internet, listening to podcasts and several other ideas that you figured couldn't hurt. This has been so painful and gone on long enough that you have to admit that staying together might not be possible anymore. It is heartbreaking to confront, but you can't deny it any longer.
But now you need help. You need someone who can support both of you well and help guide you to the answers that make the most sense for your unique situation.
I like working with couples on the brink of divorce, to help them get clear on whether it is possible to make this work and find closeness or decide that it is best for both people to go their separate ways.
When facing such a delicate place in your relationship, you want to be sure that you choose a good therapist that is familiar with this territory. I have done this work with countless clients. I have helped them find understanding in old disagreements, connection in the midst of distance and safety after betrayal.​
Emotionally Avoidant Therapy
You know they love you. Or at least you're pretty sure. On the worst days they seem so distant it is difficult to tell if they even want to be in the relationship anymore. ​
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It seems that beneath it all, there is more to the patterns of this distance. But it is sooo hard to get to those layers beneath what you see most days. When you get close they clam up. Or maybe you even get frustrated and critical as they inch closer, simply because you're tired of this taking so long.​
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All of this can create an endless tug-o-war between the two of you.
The truth is, it is fair that you get frustrated. And there is an understandable explanation for why they pull away.
In couples therapy, you will learn what stories and needs that lie beneath your negative patterns. You'll learn how to better understand yourself and your partner. You will connect and find resolution to past hurts. Best of all, you will learn how to create healthy patterns in your relationship.
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Pre-marital/Pre-engagement Therapy
You have found the one, you're ready to commit, but you want to make sure you're prepared for the years ahead.
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Learning the tools before you need them can make a big difference. Studies have shown that couples that do pre-marital therapy are less likely to split up.
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In pre-marital therapy, you'll learn what you're already doing well, what could use some improvement and you'll get to practice the tools that will help you grow as a couple.
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I'll provide you with plenty of PDFs, homework, podcast/book/app recommendations to prepare you for what's next in life.
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You Don't Have To Feel Miserable
Loneliness and overwhelm take the place of the confidence, levity and peace that you once experienced in your relationship. You find yourself in the place of not knowing what to do next. You dread the conversation you don’t want to have, but you know you need to. You need answers. You need communication. You NEED connection, but you don’t know where to start. You keep reaching out and they keep pulling away. You keep searching for answers and find yourself even more confused. You know that this relationship is worth saving, you just want to know what to do next.
You are not broken. You are not bad. It isn’t about your mistakes, it is about how you decide to repair them.
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If you're ready to learn the skills you need to make repairs in your relationship, reach out using the buttons below.
What to Expect in Session
Beginnings can be tough. So, I thought I would give you the run down of what the first few couples sessions will look like. After you complete the first session paperwork online, you will have your first session.
In our first session, we will go over the finer details of the paperwork, address any questions and then jump into how the two of you met and what is bringing you into therapy. I also send my couples a Gottman Connect assessment (one-time fee of $39) to complete after our first session. This assessment will give me a more detailed overview of what is going on for the two of you. You will also receive a pdf of the results and tools that will be helpful for you given the results of the assessment.
Our second and third session, we will complete a family map, so that I can understand where your strong and tense relationships are, what major events you have experienced in your life and patterns in family dynamics. We will also discuss your supportive friendships.
I like to do the family maps with one partner at a time, where I meet with one partner during the second session and the other partner the third session. This will also give me the opportunity to hear more about your unique experience in the relationship.
Our fourth session, we will get specific in setting the goals that you have for therapy and start to review the results from your Gottman assessment report.
Throughout these sessions and in the sessions that follow we will also be discussing what is going on for you and what you are currently needing based on what you’re experiencing. We will be practicing the Gottman based skills that you need during our time together to make it easier to use the skills at home. I will be giving you homework, pdfs, app/book/podcast recommendations along the way to supplement our time together.
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Together we can learn to heal. I will collaborate with you and your partner to identify your problem areas, toxic patterns, strengths and true needs. We will counter your struggles with proven strategies that will allow you to communicate effectively with your partner, understand how you and your partner get stuck and how to find your way out together. You can bring your toughest conflicts into session and we will practice skills in real time. When you choose online therapy, you’ll even be able to practice your new skills in the exact spots that your fights start. You’ll receive pdf’s, quizzes, assessment results and visuals from me to help you implement your positive changes at home. I work mostly from Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy with my couples. To learn more about these therapy models, read below.
What Gottman Method Therapy Can Do For YOU
Before we talk about what it can do, I want to talk about what Gottman Method Therapy is. Gottman Method therapy is a therapeutic approach for couples therapy that is based on over 50 years worth of research. Dr’s John and Julie Gottman have perfected their approach to be able to predict, with a high level of accuracy (over 90% !!!), which couples will stay together for the next 6 years, which couples will split up. Based on this work they have created frameworks from everything from how to fight respectfully and with resolve, to compromise, to building resiliency, to how to create an enduring friendship and how to plan for the future. You will receive these formats from me in pdf form, so that you will always have them on hand.
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Your introduction to the Gottman Method will begin with you and your partner completing a Gottman assessment, which will give us a snapshot of how you and your partner fair in the principles of the Gottman Method. Each section will be broken down into a strength or a challenge area. I, as your therapist, will give you tools that we will practice in our sessions that will help you improve on each area. You will be emailed a copy of this report and you will have the opportunity to take the assessment again, 6 months from the first time you completed the assessment, to see how you have improved.
I have completed levels 1&2 of Gottman Method therapy and I love how approachable the system is for my clients. When we first begin practicing the formats and principles in session, it feels awkward to follow steps when arguing or connecting. It never fails though, that my clients become so comfortable with the steps that they don’t even have to think about them anymore. They are able to engage in healthier communication and honest connection as though it is second nature. They truly make the tools their own and tailor them to their unique relationship needs.
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Being trained in the Gottman method also prepares me for all types of concerns that couples face, such as trauma, affairs, various stages of relationship development, etc.
Whether you’re a couple looking to grow closer through a straight-forward, proven approach or an individual who wants to strengthen their relationship skills, the Gottman Method can work for you.
Feel free to check out some of my other couples therapy specialties at the bottom of the page!
Connecting Through Emotionally Focused Therapy
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is a well researched model for couples therapy that was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. EFCT helps you observe your anxious and avoidant attachment patterns as they are playing out and helps you break them down into the behaviors tend to play out, the thoughts that fuel the behaviors, the emotions that are seen by your partner and the ones that you keep closer to your chest and the deep needs that drive the cycle. We will dig into the emotions of these experiences in a way that allows you and your partner to gain a better understanding of another and foster a greater connection.
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So, what does this mean for you? It means that you and your partner will be taught how to identify the negative cycles that you get caught up in and replace them with more positive cycles. These negative cycles happen when you're trying to get your emotional and physical needs met and they lead to disconnection. Being able to notice when you're caught in your negative cycle can allow you to pause and make a different choice that can allow for fewer and shorter fights and resolutions to fights that allow the two of you to feel stronger as a couple.
