Stay Or Go Therapy in Arvada, Colorado
For Couples On The Brink

You've cried, you've yelled, you've put your best foot forward and now you're utterly exhausted. You simply can't believe you're here.

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There is tense silence between you as you move through the house. Your whole body is on edge. While you hate the distance, you're not  going to be the first one to speak AGAIN. They can try too!

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While your partner sees the anger on the outside, you're sad and grieving on the inside.

You just know it is time for therapy. You have done everything you can on your own. You've listened to podcasts, read books, tried to talk it out with your partner, had more date nights, talked to others who have been in your shoes and then some. You have put in a good effort. While you never wanted it to come to this, it is time to face the truth: this might not work out.

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You're not totally ready to walk away yet, you suspect that a therapist might be able to help you achieve more together. And you know that your partner is a good person underneath it all. What you used to have was real and it was so good and you're not ready to give up.

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You're tired of crying about it, of fighting about it, of feeling stuck and helpless. Plus, you miss them. You miss who you used to be when things were better. You miss that feeling of reaching for them and knowing they would receive your presence. It's a knot in your throat and a pain in your chest as you think about it. 

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But you're not going to let that stop you! You're going to let that feeling propel you forward into the work you need to do.

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You're going to do the work it takes to make this work. Or end the relationship with the respect and honor that it deserves because that is just who you are.

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What to Expect

Stay or Go Therapy is therapy that helps you determine whether it is best for you to remain in your relationship or go your separate ways. It is a really big decision and you shouldn't have to face it alone.

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You know you definitely need help. And you can't see just any therapist. You need someone who is going to get it. Someone who will really dig in and work with you. Someone who can be compassionate and gentle, yet direct. Now is not the time to shy away from the truth.

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Often in stay or go therapy, one partner is nervous about couples therapy. They are afraid of being cornered or made out to be the "bad guy". You need a therapist who can make both of you feel safe and supported without picking a side.

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I have worked with countless couples in stay or go therapy in guiding them through a meaningful process that allows them to confidently make the right decisions for them. Whether deeper connection or an amicable split is best for you, you will be afforded the opportunity to explore all of your options.You will be able to work on resolving past hurts, learn more about each other's needs, establishing new ways to connect, learn new communication skills and have a place to share honestly about your experience in the relationship.

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Clients often share with me that they wish they would have found me sooner. They find that the application of practical tools and the gentle exploration of needs and emotions create the environment they need to heal. They often leave therapy feeling heard, having gained clarity and feel confident in what to do next.

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Dealing With Betrayal

If this fork in the road is due to betrayal, we will use the Gottman Method's Atone, Attune, Attach to process through the trauma that is betrayal. This format will help you work through what happened, explore what is possible now, and give you the opportunity to reconnect emotionally and physically. 

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The atone phase is where the individual who was hurt will be able to ask all the questions they need to ask to help them understand and start to move through what happened. This is also where the other partner will get to apologize, share their regret and what they wish they would have done differently.

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In the attune phase you will get to explore what preceded the betrayal, what needs currently exist in the relationship and what will need to occur in the relationship in the future in order for both partners to feel cared for. 

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The final attach phase is where you will work on feeling close again. You will work on the friendship part of your relationship and explore what is possible in terms of physical and emotional intimacy.

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To learn more about the first few sessions will look like, head to the couples therapy page.

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To schedule your free 20 minute phone consult, use the button below.

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