Ashley Gray
Licensed Therapist
EMPOWERED THERAPY, ARVADA, COLORADO
7878 W. 80th Place Ste 1A
Arvada, CO 80005
Online and In-Person Appts Available
Betrayal Recovery In Arvada, Colorado
Can We Survive This Betrayal?
You likely never thought you would find yourself in this situation. Every time you think about it, you feel the shock and pain all over again. You're still functioning, but, if you're being honest, you're just going through the motions. Your mind keeps wandering back to the hurt you're experiencing right now. You just want to make sense of what has happened. Questions play in your mind on repeat. Can we survive this? Should I even want to make this work? Will they do this again?
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If you're the one who did the betraying, you may feel desperate to make things right. You may want to take responsibility for what you have done in every way and get back to a better place in your relationship. And, when the time is right, you also want to be heard and understood.
Everything you thought you knew about your relationship feels turned on its head right now.
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If you're not sure that you want to make things work, but you don't want to throw everything away without trying, then exploring Stay Or Go Therapy along with our betrayal work could be a good fit for you.
Different Types of Betrayal
Betrayal isn't just infidelity. It has many faces and they are all very painful. Some other types of betrayal include:
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Financial Betrayal - hiding transactions, making big financial decisions without talking with your partner or hiding anything related to your finances
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Social Betrayal - behaving in a way in public, with family or friends that may have humiliated you, changed how you viewed the relationship, hurt your reputation or altered interpersonal relationships in some way
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Neglect/Disengagement - when your partner withdraws from the responsibilities of the relationship such as emotional caretaking (communicating, validating, compromising), stops paying bills, no longer manages their part of the housework, refrains from caring for children or pets, etc.
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Deception - when your partner lies, gaslights, manipulates or otherwise tries to mislead
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Simply put, a betrayal is any action or inaction that goes against the agreements of the relationship. Experiencing a betrayal is a relational trauma and you may find yourself exhibiting PTSD-like symptoms like trouble sleeping, feeling numb, isolating, hypervigilance, mood swings and more. If you would like to learn more about the different types of betrayal and their effects, check out my blog post, here.
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If you would like to work with me regarding betrayal recovery, schedule a free 20 minute phone consult below.
What Can We Expect In Betrayal Recovery Work?
Whatever type of betrayal you're walking in with, I'm here to support you through it. In the wake of a betrayal, everything can feel chaotic, undefined and just confusing. I start by stabilizing, organizing and structuring.
Stabilizing will look like us exploring what interactions and communication currently look like between the two of you. In our exploration, I will help you identify the message that gets lost in the pattern that you're currently stuck in. From there, I will help you each be heard by your partner and find common ground along the way.
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Once, communication and mutual understanding feel stable, we move on to organizing our betrayal work using the Gottman Method's framework for betrayal. This encompasses three stages:
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Atone - In this stage, the betrayed partner is able to ask their partner the burning questions that have been playing in over and over in their mind. Then their partner answers their questions and states their regret.
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Attune - After it feels that all the questions have been asked and answered, we move onto better understanding the events the proceeded the betrayal. This DOES NOT excuse what happened. It only allows us to gain perspective into each partner's experience as well as allow us to better understand needs. We also explore what the current needs are of each partner and whether it feels like each partner can show up for those needs within the relationship.
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Attach - By the time we have reached this stage, we know that each person is recommitting to the relationship. At this point, are able to start rebuilding the friendship part of the relationship and we can work towards reincorporating physical affection and sex back into the relationship if that hasn't occurred yet.
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Structure is created throughout the process as we set therapy goals and track progress on these goals. I also have a plan for every session, so you feel guided instead of aimless. Homework will be assigned when appropriate and you will also be given resources like handouts, book recommendations, pdf's, podcast recommendations, etc, so you can continue the work even after our time together is over.
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If this sounds like the healing that you two need, use the button below to schedule your free, 20 minute phone consult.
Life After Betrayal Recovery Work
Following betrayal recovery work you'll be able to feel clearer on what is next for you two and know that you gave your relationship everything you have. Many couples report having greater clarity about their relationship and which next steps are best for them. Sometimes this looks like establishing a new and stronger connection and feeling confident about the new, shared understanding as you move forward in your relationship together. Other times, this may look like going your separate ways, but doing so with honor and closure as we consciously navigate an ending that respects both of needs and experiences.
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If this sounds like the type of work that you're ready for, get started by scheduling your free, 20 minute phone consult using the button below.
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Betrayal Recovery Intensives
Therapy intensives are an accelerated way to approach your betrayal recovery work. They take the work that you would do over months of therapy and fit them into one, 6 hour intensive day for the bulk of the work.
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Before the intensive day you each:
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Complete a Gottman Method assessment about the current state of your relationship
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Have your own individual, 90 minute intake session with me where we will look at your family background, supporting relationships and individual experience within the relationship
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On the intensive day:
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I will use the information gathered from your paperwork, assessment and intakes to guide you through the betrayal recovery process outlined above.
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Throughout the day you will engage in experiential exercises, intentional reflection and be guided through supportive communication.
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We will take occasional breaks throughout the day, as you need them, snacks, beverages and a journal will be provided for you. You will also have a one hour break for lunch.
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Following the intensive:
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You two will receive an email with a summary or our work, any supplement materials or homework that we discussed in our intensive and you will leave with therapeutic tools to continue your work at home.
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You will schedule your 90 minute follow up session, where we will check-in on your progress, address what feelings and concerns might be lingering and discuss next steps for the two of you.
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To get this process started, use the button below to schedule your free, 30 minute, video consult. Your consult is obligation free and is a great way to make sure we're a good fit for the work.
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